When most people find out that an older woman has not had a child, they feel sorry for her. Poor lady, they think, she didn’t find a man/she worked too hard/she couldn’t have children.
However, I have met many women who chose not to have children, or who never really worried about it and don’t regret not having a child.
As I’ve gotten older, I have become less and less bothered about children. Meeting Vince meant that I wanted to go on adventures with him. I don’t really want to share. Every time I think about having a child (which btw, would be well in the future) I think about the things I would need to give up. I think that makes me officially too selfish to have kids, which I’m ok with.
In terms of my moral values, I don’t want to add another body to the population of the planet which is quickly becoming too much for Earth to support. I know some people will think that that is over-dramatic and not really my concern, but actually, if enough people worried about that then maybe over-population would be helped. If everyone had two or less children, then the population would become stable or maybe it would even decline. I realise some women have no choice, I understand that for some contraception is hard to get. But for a lot of women in well-off countries, having children is a wonderful choice. They might choose to have just 1 or 2. But that’s up to them. The only thing anyone can do is educate people about the problems the world will face. Or plan to form a colony on Mars. Either or.
I also think there are so many children in care, orphaned or removed from their parents, that need help. If I were to have a child, wouldn’t it be nice to offer a loving home to someone who wouldn’t have one otherwise. You know, if I can get over all of that ‘having adventures’ nonsense. Also, I don’t think I’ll ever work up the courage to give birth, no thanks.
The problem I have is when people judge you for not having children or thinking you might not ever have them. It really is up to me and Vince. I’m not going to force it on him and he won’t force it on me. So everyone else should just butt out. From asking if I’m pregnant if I throw up, to saying I’ll change my mind *insert knowing smile*. And I know it’s only going to get worse as I approach 30.
So everyone just chill out. Right now I want to move country, buy a house and get a couple of dogs. If that’s what I end up doing for the rest of my life, great. If I change my mind a few years down the line and adopt, great. Until then I’m going to continue to spend 3 hour journeys deciding on dog names with Vince 🙂